How I Used Mindfulness to Survive My Miscarriage
I was at work, running to the bathroom during a short recess break. I realised that my pregnancy was over. Here’s what I did to survive my miscarriage.
I started sobbing while driving home. That night, so many tears came out and I didn’t resist any of them. I pretty much cried myself to sleep, after calling my husband who was away.
I decided to keep going to work that week, because I didn’t want to be alone.
Tuesday I was angry. Angry with the world, at my body, and angry at the injustice. But because of my mindfulness practice, my mantra was “Feel what you’re feeling. Your feelings are natural.”
Wednesday was one of the weirdest days of my life. From the second my alarm went off in the morning, I was elated. Brilliantly happy. Excited to be alive. And I went with it.
I took my students to the splash pad and we sang and jumped around and had a lot of fun!
There was a little part of my brain that was telling me that I was crazy because I was supposed to be sad, but I kept with my mantra. My feelings were natural. They came from my body.
And why be sad when you’re body is telling you to be happy? I had the thought that day, “Maybe this is what resilience feels like.”
Why Mindfulness Helps
In the days that followed, I felt more sadness, more anger, more joy, and a whole range of other emotions, like confusion, relief, and hopelessness. I continued to listen to my body and accept what it was presenting me with as it happened, in the moment.
Being mindful means being present, but also accepting the present moment without resistance.
Mindfulness helped me survive my miscarriage because I wasn’t pushing away any of the emotions that were coming up for me. I allowed myself to feel confused, sad, angry, and unexpectedly joyful.
When you feel your feelings in the moment, you’re able to process them and move forward. The alternative is to ignore your feelings, and have them come up when you’re least expecting them.
Surviving Your Miscarriage
If you are experiencing a miscarriage, I’m sorry for your loss- this must be very hard for you.
I’m sure that you won’t experience the exact same progression of emotions that I did. Just know that whatever you’re feeling, it’s totally natural and valid. It will be easier to get through this time if you allow yourself to feel your emotions fully, and accept them, whatever they are.
I found the following resource very helpful in terms of understanding what was going on physically: Our Bodies Ourselves
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